Hi everybody. This afternoon, I would like to discuss the topic of negativity. Specifically, the negative words and comments that we hear from others. While some of you may be familiar with why I am writing about this topic today (I recently posted a little about it on Instagram), I will provide the background story.
A couple of days ago, I was at a relative’s house. As I usually do when I go to this person’s house, I spent a good part of the day outside. Due to the heat, I ask that my relative bring out the fan and yes, sometimes I do ask for help getting around. For the most part, however, I felt I did well outside getting around the other day.
I did, at one point, get panicky. To make matters worse, my relative does not have air conditioning. I’m not sure what the logic is behind this, but severe heat seems to only add to my anxiety. So, yes, I asked my relative for more help – to bring me a fan and water.
The point of me telling you all this is because I want to prove that I am not blinded by how my anxiety can not only be frustrating and a pain to myself, but to others. Still, I still know I deserve respect. All of you do as well.
At one point, I simply called my relative’s name and I was snapped at. From then on, things only grew worse. I was told that my relative “could not accommodate my needs” and that they had been hearing me calling their name all day. Here was a person that was supposed to help me and be kind and understanding, treating me as if I was a burden.
I expressed how I felt. I told them that I was trying my best. They said they knew that, but it certainly did not seem that way. While later on, I did receive an apology from the individual saying that they were sorry they snapped at me, the first apology was hardly one at all. My relative had at first said, “I’m sorry you’re mad at me.”
Once the person I’m referring to was out of earshot, I went in the other room and cried. I truly felt like an inconvenience. While this person is in no way a horrible individual or constantly cruel, when they are, it hurts more than I can explain. As I’m sure some of you know, being treated like a burden – especially by someone you love – is not easy.
What I find really difficult sometimes, is not believing I’m a burden. It can be hard when I’ve heard the negative and cruel comments of others. It can be hard when people sometimes make it like being around me is a chore. So how do I remember that I’m not a burden? That I’m trying my hardest and am loved?
I focus on the progress I’ve made. I focus on those who love and support me. I remember that even if someone has been mean to me about my anxiety, that it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care or love me. Some people just don’t understand, are impatient, or can be cruel at times. I also remember that it’s okay that I’m not perfect and that no one is.
Just because someone may treat you like a burden, doesn’t make you are one. We all struggle. Some people just aren’t good at sympathizing with and understanding others. They focus on how hard things are for them and tend to forget that someone else is struggling and trying their best too. I know how much my relative does for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing a lot too. It just means that sometimes, because of my anxiety, things are harder, I can’t do things as easily, or always all at once.
For anyone who has ever been treated like a burden, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. No one does. Also, please know that you are not one. You are strong, brave, and worthy of someone’s time and love. We all struggle and none of us are perfect. Instead of focusing on the cruel actions and words of others, please focus on your progress, loved ones who show you kindness, and the fact that you are cared for.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great weekend.