Stop Beating Yourself Up!

Stop beating yourself up! Easily said, easily done, right? Not so much. I’m always trying to explain that just because one may struggle with something or not get something done at the same pace as someone else, that it doesn’t make them pathetic or a failure. I believe this, I really do, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I don’t find myself thinking how pathetic I must be to struggle the way I do.

I’m not proud of this – but these are the facts. I don’t have a job right now, I still live at home with my family, and anxiety still effects me a great deal. I hate struggling with anxiety, I truly do, but that’s how it is right now. I try hard on a daily basis to get better and I hope that one day, anxiety will no longer hold me back from accomplishing all that I want to do.

Society tells us that if we don’t all do things at the same time, then we must be pathetic or that something must be wrong with us. THIS IS NOT TRUE! This should not be used an excuse not to try our hardest to overcome our obstacles, but we should not think ourselves pathetic or abnormal for not always meeting society’s standards. We all deal with different things and we all accomplish our goals at different times. What’s important is that we always try our hardest to get through whatever it is that’s holding us back and that we NEVER GIVE UP!

As I was lying down this morning, feeling pathetic, I realized something. I want to work, I want to be more independent, I want to get through my anxiety. The reason for me not having a job is not out of laziness or not wanting to do something more with my life, but because my anxiety is so severe. Also, it’s not as if I’m not trying to get better. I’m trying every single day! Also, I’ve made progress and I’m not useless – none of us are! I am a freelance writer for a great website, I’ve written and published two books and am currently working on my third, and I’ve made and am continuing to make progress when it comes to getting through my anxiety. All of these things are important! All of these things matter!

So remember, it doesn’t necessarily matter if you’re meeting society’s standards and expectations. What matters is that you’re trying your hardest to overcome your obstacles. No one but you knows exactly what you’re struggling with, no one but you can make your life all it can be. If you’re trying your hardest to get through what’s holding you back and if you refuse to give up on your goals, that’s what’s important!

 

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Progress Is Progress – Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Otherwise!

Maybe every time you’ve ever shared your progress with someone else, they’ve commended you. Maybe you’ve never had someone question how the progress you’ve made can really be labeled as such. I think that’s great. However, I know that I, for one, have experienced otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, many times when I share my progress with someone, they are proud of me and express those feelings of pride. They understand that if I’m doing something that I previously struggled with – no matter what it is – that it matters. Even if the step towards success may seem small, they see that it’s important.

On the opposite end, I’ve had people question my progress. I’ve mentioned that I did something that I usually back away from and instead of hearing their praise or that they think I did well, they just ask how it’s a big deal; how it qualifies as progress. I’m not going to lie – it hurts. I’m not saying that I constantly need recognition, but the last thing a person wants when they share their accomplishments with you, is to feel belittled or shut down. Any of us who have ever struggled with anything, know how difficult it can be to overcome our obstacles. We also know how good and refreshing it feels when it’s clear that they we stronger than what is holding us back. We want to be built up by ourselves and the ones we love, not torn down.

If you’ve experienced what I have – that some people aren’t understanding or kind when it comes to our struggles and hearing about our progress – then here is my advice. I recommend trying to save sharing your progress for the people who will actually appreciate and respect it. I know it’s hard not to want to shout your progress from the rooftop, but sometimes lending your happiness to others is a risky concept. Not everyone will be supportive and instead of showing you the respect you deserve, some will simply share harsh or careless words.

Again, and this is important to remember, there are people who will support, respect, and care for you. There are people who will go out of their way to cheer you on and to make you feel as special as you truly are. These are the people you want to allow into your lives and share both your good and bad times with. Don’t allow others to take away your sense of pride and accomplishment. No one can take away your progress, no one!

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Goodreads Abstract Clarity Character Quiz!

Test Your Book Knowledge!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hey everyone! I just finished creating a new quiz on Goodreads! Now you can test your knowledge of the characters found in my short story collection, Abstract Clarity! To take the quiz, click the link below! Good luck!

https://www.goodreads.com/quizzes/1127020-abstract-clarity-character-quiz

If you’ve yet to purchase a copy of Abstract Clarity and wish to do so, you can purchase a paperback copy or Kindle copy by going on https://www.amazon.com/B.W.-Ginsburg/e/B01MU5Y0YL/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1501952519&sr=8-1

To view all the Goodreads quizzes for my books, click here!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

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Do It For You!

Due to health reasons, my therapist of about three years recently retired. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of months, but I had planned to return when I found out that he would no longer be seeing patients. To say the least, I was upset. I truly believe that he was the best therapist that I have ever seen. He was kind, caring, and in my opinion, had the best methods for helping me get through my anxiety. I could tell that he genuinely wanted to see me get better. I will miss him dearly.

For now, and I think at least for a while, I don’t plan on seeing anyone else. I know what I have to do to make the progress that I want to make – I have to face my fears in small, manageable steps on a consistent basis. I have to continue to work hard.

I have to admit that it’s strange not seeing my therapist anymore, but not just because of the usual reasons. Not only am I not physically going to his office as much anymore (I’m still seeing my psychiatrist), but I was regularly sending progress reports of how I was working daily to get through my anxiety. It’s strange not sending these reports on a daily basis. When I first decided to stop sending the reports (I was never told to stop, but out of respect for my therapist, I decided it would be best), it felt weird not reporting to him about my progress. It almost felt unnatural.

The thing is though, that I was never working hard to gain my therapist’s approval in the first place. Sure, there may have been some days where I didn’t feel like doing anything productive, but I did in order to look like I was trying (I know that sounds awful, but I’m only human), but I never once tried my hardest to get better for merely my therapist’s sake. I want to get through my anxiety for myself – so I can enjoy my life to the fullest and do things with the people I love, along with being more independent.

I realized that just because my therapist retired and I wouldn’t be sending him emails citing my progress, did not mean that I couldn’t and shouldn’t still be recording said progress. Every step that I take in order to get through my anxiety is important and in order to remind myself that I am strong enough to conquer my fears, I should be writing down the progress I make – not for my therapist, but for myself. After all, I am working hard so that I can be happy with my life, not so that someone else can be satisfied.

The point is this: you should be trying your hardest to get through your anxiety and over your other obstacles for yourself – not for anyone else. If you want to keep track of your progress, don’t just do so because you’re told to do so, do it because it’s beneficial for you. I understand the desire to want to get better so that you can spend time with the ones you love and that’s fine, but your main reason for getting better should be so that you can improve your life!

*Please know that I am not trying to state that if your therapist retires, that you shouldn’t search for a new one if you believe you should keep going to therapy. I may eventually see someone again for my anxiety, it’s just that at the moment, I think I need to simply utilize the tools I was given – to work hard on a consistent basis to get through my anxiety!

 

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Abstract Clarity Giveaway: Final Day To Enter!

Abstract Clarity Book Giveaway Ends Tonight!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hi everyone! For all of you who have an Instagram account, today (July 28th) is the final day to enter the giveaway to win a FREE Kindle copy of my horror/fantasy short story collection, Abstract Clarity!

If you’re interested in entering, the rules are simple. All you have to do is mention one of my books (either Rest in Piece or Abstract Clarity) in your Instagram feed and tag me @b.w.ginsburg48 by tonight at 11:59 p.m. EST.

Once I choose a winner (which will be selected at random using random.org), I will send you an email with the Kindle edition of my short story collection, Abstract Clarity. Your email will not be used for any other purpose than for the giveaway. Thank you and good luck!


About Abstract Clarity: A Collection of Short Stories:

“The real meaning of Hell, a woman’s love for Halloween gone horribly wrong, and a…

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Apologies & Recognition

Yesterday I went out with one of my relatives. While I did become slightly anxious and needed their help coming and going, I think that all and all, I did pretty well. I got through the experience and for a long time, that was something that seemed impossible.

Even though I ended up doing okay, once I was back in the car, I found myself apologizing that I struggled a little. Now, sometimes, even much later on, I realize how difficult my anxiety might have been to deal with. However, later on yesterday after I had calmed down, I realized that I really didn’t do too horribly. I went out, I stayed the entire time, and I even enjoyed myself for a little bit before I became anxious. All in all, I did an okay job. The thing is, though, that for some reason I still felt guilty.

I think part of the reason that I feel guilty so often is because I wish that I didn’t struggle at all. I wish that I could do things without feeling so anxious – without asking at times for help from others. The thing that I have to remember though is that I have made progress and that the journey to get through anxiety is often one that takes a lot of hard work. It doesn’t happen over night.

Also, while I’m not trying to play the blame game, there are some people who seem to try to make us feel guilty. They come off (and might well be) as embarrassed of our struggle. Sometimes their feelings are quite obvious and this can be hard to deal with. After all, it’s hard enough for us to go through this let alone witness our loved ones being embarrassed of our issues.

We need to remember to count on ourselves for approval and recognition. Yesterday after apologizing to my relative, she said, “Sometimes you just need to push through”. While this may be true, I also think she tends not to realize how hard ‘pushing through’ anxiety can really be. Sometimes it is so strong that it doesn’t just allow you to step through its hold.

Instead of apologizing yesterday, I should have simply told myself that I did pretty well. I should have just mentally assessed that while I could do better next time, there was a time when I would have struggled even more. If my relative couldn’t see that, it’s too bad. Relying on her to tell me how well I did was pointless – especially when she tends to only see the mistakes I make or struggles that occur.

Apologizing isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes when I really feel like I’ve caused a lot of frustration because someone had to deal with my anxiety, I think apologizing is the right thing to do. However, there are times when no matter what, you can’t satisfy the person who you’re dealing with. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, if you’re not absolutely struggle-free, they’ll grow angry.

The bottom line is this – we are not burdens. While our anxiety might be frustrating for both ourselves and others, we’re not burdens and it is not our fault that we struggle. As long as we are trying our hardest on a consistent basis to get better, this is what matters.

There may be times when others try to make us feel guilty for struggling with anxiety or other issues. There may even be times when others grow embarrassed of our struggles – maybe you’ve been embarrassed of your struggle yourself. I know I have. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.

Please know that you don’t have to be embarrassed of your struggle. You are not alone. We all go through things. While we may all struggle in different ways, we all deal with hardships. Whether or not it always feels like it, there are people whom you can trust and who will support you.

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Kindle E-book Giveaway

Giveaway!

B.W. Ginsburg

absclaritygiveaway

Image by B.W. Ginsburg

Hey everyone, as you may have noticed on the left side of this page, I will be hosting a giveaway for my new short story collection, Abstract Clarity. The rules can be found on my Instagram page, or below!

THE RULES:
1.) Mention my book (Abstract Clarity by B.W. Ginsburg) in your feed. Make sure to tag me in your post. This is how you get entered!
2.) Make sure you have a way to read Kindle E-books as this is the format you will receive, should you win the giveaway.
3.) Be willing to give me your email if you win as this is how your book will be sent to you. I will send you a DM if you are the winner. The winner will be randomly selected.
4.) Please consider leaving an honest review after reading the book if you win the giveaway…

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