Dearest Jay: A Ghost Story

My newest short story!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hi friends and readers! I hope you’re doing well. In addition to writing my next novel, I just finished writing a new short story. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed working in it. I could hardly stop!

I was so proud of my short story, entitled Dearest Jay: A Ghost Story, that I published it. It can be purchased on Amazon.com in ebook format for $2.99. Here is the summary of the story:

Anne Lancaster is dying. As she writes the last words of her life, she recalls the most terrifying events she ever witnessed. She must reveal her biggest secret before she breathes her last breath and her family members pay the ultimate price.

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“I just don’t like struggling at all”

Tonight I had another panic attack. I got really anxious and I could hardly stand. Everything seemed difficult. I hate that feeling.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been getting better. I’m very grateful for this. However, I still have moments where I get extremely anxious and I feel in those moments, like I’m falling apart and losing all the progress I’ve made. I know that isn’t true, but in that moment, that’s how it feels.

Sometimes I think that maybe I shouldn’t complain. After all, I used to struggle a lot more. Maybe I should just be appreciative that I’ve gotten better and not get so upset when I have a panic attack or become extremely anxious. Still, as I just told a relative, I don’t like struggling at all. And you know what? That’s okay! We don’t have to like it! In fact, we should strive to overcome our anxiety and get to the point that it no longer controls us. We shouldn’t just sit back and accept that our anxiety tries to control us. We should work hard to defeat it.

I think the secret is this: to get upset at our anxiety, not at ourselves. When we start to struggle and find our anxiety is taking over, we should try our hardest to stand up to it; to take charge. We shouldn’t get mad at ourselves. After all, it’s not our faults that we struggle.

Making Progress Is No Small Thing

Making progress is a wonderful thing. Period. Though I have struggled with anxiety for a while now, I have come a long way and I am very proud of myself. I have made accomplishments, some small and some large, but all important. However, while I consider all of these accomplishments important and worthy of appreciation, not everyone sees it that way.

If you are like me and struggle with some sort of issue, you may find that there are people in your life who try to belittle any progress you make. They may even find some negative aspect of your progress and try to use it to make you feel bad about yourself.

I attended college and graduated with two degrees – a BA and an Associates. While there were times when I struggled to go to class or stay without leaving, I did manage to eventually make it through. Graduating college is an amazing accomplishment for anyone and it was an amazing one for me.

Even with the fact that I graduated college, I am a bit embarrassed. Why? Because I had to have my dad attend some of my classes with me. I sometimes became so anxious that if I needed to leave, I needed him with me. Still, I tried my hardest to go to class and as I stated earlier, I did graduate. It wasn’t always easy, but I got through it.

I didn’t deserve it, but the fact that my dad came to some of my classes was used against me. While it kills me that I haven’t, I’ve never had an official job before. Again, this is due to my anxiety. Unlike what some might think, I really do want to be able to work. I’ve even thought of some places where I might be comfortable working. When I asked my mom what she thought of me working at this specific store, her response was, “Your dad wouldn’t be able to stay there with you”. She treated me as if I was unintelligent; as if I didn’t realize this. I’m all for honesty, but that doesn’t mean that what she said and how she said it, didn’t hurt. In that moment, instead of focusing on how great it was that I graduated college, all I felt was pathetic because I needed my dad to be with me when most students were becoming more independent.

No matter what, progress in the right direction is a good thing. Not that it would have made me a failure if I did, but I never gave up on going to college. I never gave up on achieving that goal. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make you weak. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Also, no bit of progress is too small or worthless.

I Remember When…

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Before I really get into this post, I’d like to wish everyone well, especially with what’s going on right now. I’m not super into mentioning the virus, because I know we’re already being bombarded with stories and facts about it, but I do want to recognize what’s happening and wish everyone the best of health.

Now onto what this post is really about – the fact that while we may still be struggling with something, we should (and oftentimes, need), to focus on the good. The following is from a post I just wrote on my Instagram feed @b.w.ginsburg48. My account is private, but please feel free to send me a request to follow me if you so choose.

From my Instagram:

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of down. My birthday is soon and while this makes me happy, it’s also brought up some fears. I’m in my late 20s and I struggle with anxiety. I’m unable to work right now due to this and I worry that I’ll never get through my anxiety like I want to and never be able to work. But then, this morning, once again, I realized something. I have made 𝓼𝓸 much progress over the years – 𝓼𝓸 much. Sometimes I may forget this and maybe some people don’t realize it, but I’ve come a long way from how I used to be. My anxiety used to be worse and things that were once way more difficult have become simpler due to me practicing my fears on a consistent basis. So yes, while I still may struggle and have a long way to go, I have come far and made a lot of progress. You know what? You can as well.

So if you’ve been feeling down lately because you don’t feel you’ve accomplished enough and/or you’re worried about your future, please try to remember how much progress you 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 and truly 𝓬𝓪𝓷 make. Have faith in yourself and try your hardest. Also, if you ever need to talk, I (as well as many others), are here for you!

What Really Matters

Hey everybody! I hope you’re all doing well. Today I’d like to talk about something that I often experience that can be very difficult for me.

First and foremost, let me preface by saying that I have, and am continuing to make, a lot of progress. I know this for a fact and am quite proud of myself. However, I still have moments when I experience panic attacks and become extremely anxious.

Yesterday was one of those times. I went to visit my grandma with my mom. I have been to the place where my grandma lives before, but never have I gone inside. This time I did though. I held onto my mom as we walked in the parking lot and up to my grandma’s room. I sat down occasionally in chairs, but did very well. However, when we entered my grandma’s room, the chair nearest the door was occupied by my aunt and I couldn’t make it to the other side of the room. Therefore, I sat on the floor. My aunt got up from the chair for me, but when I tried to stand, I was too shaky and weak to even make it the foot to the chair.

I hated this. I hated that my aunt, cousin, and grandma all saw me struggling like this. I’m even upset that my mom saw me like this, though she knows I’ve been making progress. I love her, but I know she still judges me when I get extremely anxious in front of others and in general.

In some ways, I’d like to be one of those people who don’t care what others think. I’d like to say to myself, “Even if these people happen to be judging me, I know I’ve been making progress and it doesn’t matter what they think”. The truth is though, that I do care. I don’t like the fact that it seems that many times when my relatives see me, they see that I’m struggling so much.

My dad said something important this morning – something I know is true. My other relatives don’t see me a lot. They don’t see all the progress I’ve made like my immediate family does, like I do. Still, while I know this, I don’t like that when the rest of my family do see me, they sometimes see the anxious side of me. I don’t like the idea of them not realizing just how much better I’m doing.

Don’t get me wrong – there are times when my family members notice, and comment on, my progress. In fact, the same aunt that I saw yesterday, told me over the holidays how well I was doing. I also know that my grandma has noted how much better I’ve been doing. Even with all of this being the case, I still don’t like when my family sees me struggling. I still worry that they think something is wrong with me or that it’s something more than anxiety. I guess I just want them to realize I‘m making progress.

Still, deep down, I know it doesn’t matter what others think. Whether or not people realize that I’m making progress, I am. That goes for all of you. If you’re making progress, nothing anyone thinks can change that. Whether or not someone commends you on how well you’re doing, if you’re doing well, then you are. Be proud of yourself!

The Story Behind the Stories – Rest in Piece and Crimson Vows

B.W. Ginsburg

Hi everyone! Due to two of my books now being sold at Loganberry Books, I thought I would take some time to write about the inspiration behind both my novel, Rest in Piece, and my novella, Crimson Vows.

REST IN PIECE

The main idea for Rest in Piece, a girl disappearing into a puzzle, came from the fact that my grandpa loved putting jigsaws together. My grandpa would hang some of the puzzles he put together downstairs and he had one, when I was younger, that was hung on the wall upstairs next to the bed.

Now while I can’t say for sure what that puzzle upstairs illustrated, I remember it as being something similar to a masquerade ball. Again, I was younger and oftentimes, memories from long ago tend to fade. Unfortunately, that puzzle got either thrown away or given away. I can honestly say that I wish I…

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Special Announcement!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hey everybody! I know I’ve been absent on here for a little while, but I have some great news! Two of my books – Rest in Piece and Crimson Vows – are now available at Loganberry Books, located on 13015 Larchmere Blvd. in Shaker Heights, Ohio!

If you’re in the area and stop into the store, you can find my books under the Local Voices section of Loganberry. Each of my books are priced at $15.99 each.

Thank you for your support!

4BBA8902-FD55-4254-8682-9515F9A2240F Picture taken by a friend

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