“I just don’t like struggling at all”

Tonight I had another panic attack. I got really anxious and I could hardly stand. Everything seemed difficult. I hate that feeling.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been getting better. I’m very grateful for this. However, I still have moments where I get extremely anxious and I feel in those moments, like I’m falling apart and losing all the progress I’ve made. I know that isn’t true, but in that moment, that’s how it feels.

Sometimes I think that maybe I shouldn’t complain. After all, I used to struggle a lot more. Maybe I should just be appreciative that I’ve gotten better and not get so upset when I have a panic attack or become extremely anxious. Still, as I just told a relative, I don’t like struggling at all. And you know what? That’s okay! We don’t have to like it! In fact, we should strive to overcome our anxiety and get to the point that it no longer controls us. We shouldn’t just sit back and accept that our anxiety tries to control us. We should work hard to defeat it.

I think the secret is this: to get upset at our anxiety, not at ourselves. When we start to struggle and find our anxiety is taking over, we should try our hardest to stand up to it; to take charge. We shouldn’t get mad at ourselves. After all, it’s not our faults that we struggle.

Making Progress Is No Small Thing

Making progress is a wonderful thing. Period. Though I have struggled with anxiety for a while now, I have come a long way and I am very proud of myself. I have made accomplishments, some small and some large, but all important. However, while I consider all of these accomplishments important and worthy of appreciation, not everyone sees it that way.

If you are like me and struggle with some sort of issue, you may find that there are people in your life who try to belittle any progress you make. They may even find some negative aspect of your progress and try to use it to make you feel bad about yourself.

I attended college and graduated with two degrees – a BA and an Associates. While there were times when I struggled to go to class or stay without leaving, I did manage to eventually make it through. Graduating college is an amazing accomplishment for anyone and it was an amazing one for me.

Even with the fact that I graduated college, I am a bit embarrassed. Why? Because I had to have my dad attend some of my classes with me. I sometimes became so anxious that if I needed to leave, I needed him with me. Still, I tried my hardest to go to class and as I stated earlier, I did graduate. It wasn’t always easy, but I got through it.

I didn’t deserve it, but the fact that my dad came to some of my classes was used against me. While it kills me that I haven’t, I’ve never had an official job before. Again, this is due to my anxiety. Unlike what some might think, I really do want to be able to work. I’ve even thought of some places where I might be comfortable working. When I asked my mom what she thought of me working at this specific store, her response was, “Your dad wouldn’t be able to stay there with you”. She treated me as if I was unintelligent; as if I didn’t realize this. I’m all for honesty, but that doesn’t mean that what she said and how she said it, didn’t hurt. In that moment, instead of focusing on how great it was that I graduated college, all I felt was pathetic because I needed my dad to be with me when most students were becoming more independent.

No matter what, progress in the right direction is a good thing. Not that it would have made me a failure if I did, but I never gave up on going to college. I never gave up on achieving that goal. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make you weak. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Also, no bit of progress is too small or worthless.