Do It For You!

Due to health reasons, my therapist of about three years recently retired. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of months, but I had planned to return when I found out that he would no longer be seeing patients. To say the least, I was upset. I truly believe that he was the best therapist that I have ever seen. He was kind, caring, and in my opinion, had the best methods for helping me get through my anxiety. I could tell that he genuinely wanted to see me get better. I will miss him dearly.

For now, and I think at least for a while, I don’t plan on seeing anyone else. I know what I have to do to make the progress that I want to make – I have to face my fears in small, manageable steps on a consistent basis. I have to continue to work hard.

I have to admit that it’s strange not seeing my therapist anymore, but not just because of the usual reasons. Not only am I not physically going to his office as much anymore (I’m still seeing my psychiatrist), but I was regularly sending progress reports of how I was working daily to get through my anxiety. It’s strange not sending these reports on a daily basis. When I first decided to stop sending the reports (I was never told to stop, but out of respect for my therapist, I decided it would be best), it felt weird not reporting to him about my progress. It almost felt unnatural.

The thing is though, that I was never working hard to gain my therapist’s approval in the first place. Sure, there may have been some days where I didn’t feel like doing anything productive, but I did in order to look like I was trying (I know that sounds awful, but I’m only human), but I never once tried my hardest to get better for merely my therapist’s sake. I want to get through my anxiety for myself – so I can enjoy my life to the fullest and do things with the people I love, along with being more independent.

I realized that just because my therapist retired and I wouldn’t be sending him emails citing my progress, did not mean that I couldn’t and shouldn’t still be recording said progress. Every step that I take in order to get through my anxiety is important and in order to remind myself that I am strong enough to conquer my fears, I should be writing down the progress I make – not for my therapist, but for myself. After all, I am working hard so that I can be happy with my life, not so that someone else can be satisfied.

The point is this: you should be trying your hardest to get through your anxiety and over your other obstacles for yourself – not for anyone else. If you want to keep track of your progress, don’t just do so because you’re told to do so, do it because it’s beneficial for you. I understand the desire to want to get better so that you can spend time with the ones you love and that’s fine, but your main reason for getting better should be so that you can improve your life!

*Please know that I am not trying to state that if your therapist retires, that you shouldn’t search for a new one if you believe you should keep going to therapy. I may eventually see someone again for my anxiety, it’s just that at the moment, I think I need to simply utilize the tools I was given – to work hard on a consistent basis to get through my anxiety!

 

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Abstract Clarity Giveaway: Final Day To Enter!

Abstract Clarity Book Giveaway Ends Tonight!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hi everyone! For all of you who have an Instagram account, today (July 28th) is the final day to enter the giveaway to win a FREE Kindle copy of my horror/fantasy short story collection, Abstract Clarity!

If you’re interested in entering, the rules are simple. All you have to do is mention one of my books (either Rest in Piece or Abstract Clarity) in your Instagram feed and tag me @b.w.ginsburg48 by tonight at 11:59 p.m. EST.

Once I choose a winner (which will be selected at random using random.org), I will send you an email with the Kindle edition of my short story collection, Abstract Clarity. Your email will not be used for any other purpose than for the giveaway. Thank you and good luck!

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About Abstract Clarity: A Collection of Short Stories:

“The real meaning of Hell, a woman’s love for Halloween gone horribly wrong, and a…

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Apologies & Recognition

Yesterday I went out with one of my relatives. While I did become slightly anxious and needed their help coming and going, I think that all and all, I did pretty well. I got through the experience and for a long time, that was something that seemed impossible.

Even though I ended up doing okay, once I was back in the car, I found myself apologizing that I struggled a little. Now, sometimes, even much later on, I realize how difficult my anxiety might have been to deal with. However, later on yesterday after I had calmed down, I realized that I really didn’t do too horribly. I went out, I stayed the entire time, and I even enjoyed myself for a little bit before I became anxious. All in all, I did an okay job. The thing is, though, that for some reason I still felt guilty.

I think part of the reason that I feel guilty so often is because I wish that I didn’t struggle at all. I wish that I could do things without feeling so anxious – without asking at times for help from others. The thing that I have to remember though is that I have made progress and that the journey to get through anxiety is often one that takes a lot of hard work. It doesn’t happen over night.

Also, while I’m not trying to play the blame game, there are some people who seem to try to make us feel guilty. They come off (and might well be) as embarrassed of our struggle. Sometimes their feelings are quite obvious and this can be hard to deal with. After all, it’s hard enough for us to go through this let alone witness our loved ones being embarrassed of our issues.

We need to remember to count on ourselves for approval and recognition. Yesterday after apologizing to my relative, she said, “Sometimes you just need to push through”. While this may be true, I also think she tends not to realize how hard ‘pushing through’ anxiety can really be. Sometimes it is so strong that it doesn’t just allow you to step through its hold.

Instead of apologizing yesterday, I should have simply told myself that I did pretty well. I should have just mentally assessed that while I could do better next time, there was a time when I would have struggled even more. If my relative couldn’t see that, it’s too bad. Relying on her to tell me how well I did was pointless – especially when she tends to only see the mistakes I make or struggles that occur.

Apologizing isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes when I really feel like I’ve caused a lot of frustration because someone had to deal with my anxiety, I think apologizing is the right thing to do. However, there are times when no matter what, you can’t satisfy the person who you’re dealing with. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, if you’re not absolutely struggle-free, they’ll grow angry.

The bottom line is this – we are not burdens. While our anxiety might be frustrating for both ourselves and others, we’re not burdens and it is not our fault that we struggle. As long as we are trying our hardest on a consistent basis to get better, this is what matters.

There may be times when others try to make us feel guilty for struggling with anxiety or other issues. There may even be times when others grow embarrassed of our struggles – maybe you’ve been embarrassed of your struggle yourself. I know I have. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.

Please know that you don’t have to be embarrassed of your struggle. You are not alone. We all go through things. While we may all struggle in different ways, we all deal with hardships. Whether or not it always feels like it, there are people whom you can trust and who will support you.

Kindle E-book Giveaway

Giveaway!

B.W. Ginsburg

Image by B.W. Ginsburg

Hey everyone, as you may have noticed on the left side of this page, I will be hosting a giveaway for my new short story collection, Abstract Clarity. The rules can be found on my Instagram page, or below!

THE RULES:
1.) Mention my book (Abstract Clarity by B.W. Ginsburg) in your feed. Make sure to tag me in your post. This is how you get entered!
2.) Make sure you have a way to read Kindle E-books as this is the format you will receive, should you win the giveaway.
3.) Be willing to give me your email if you win as this is how your book will be sent to you. I will send you a DM if you are the winner. The winner will be randomly selected.
4.) Please consider leaving an honest review after reading the book if you win the giveaway…

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Blog Reminder

Hey guys! I hope you’re all having a great day! As just a reminder, I’d like to mention that in addition to this blog, I also have one over at https://restinpieceblog.wordpress.com/, which is dedicated to my two books and other advice and thoughts as a writer/author. Please feel free to check it out!

Thank You,

B.W. Ginsburg

Society’s Standards

Over the years, standards have been set. You should have a job, have your own living quarters, and heck, even have sex at a certain age according to society. I can understand how some of these standards have become expected, but I think that for them to be set in stone and expected to be followed by every individual is simply wrong.

I can understand why certain standards are set – I can. People should try hard to find employment and their own living quarters by a certain point in their life. I don’t, however, think it’s necessarily up to us to decide when that point should be for others.

I think that when people feel they are ready to do something, that is when they should. While people shouldn’t use this way of thinking to shirk their responsibilities or not work hard, I do think that it’s okay that not everyone does everything at the same time. We’re all different and sometimes things are harder for some of us than they are for others. This does not mean that we give up or don’t keep trying our hardest to accomplish our goals, but rather that we don’t constantly beat ourselves up for not always meeting society’s standards.

A word that I really don’t like is ‘pathetic’. So many people who are less than understanding throw this word at people when society’s standards are not met. No one is perfect and people struggle – struggling is difficult and no one enjoys it.

It may be hard to see at times, but even those who struggle are often trying their best. Things may not be as easy for some of us as for others, but this does not mean that we’re not putting our best foot forward.

If you find yourself struggling and comparing yourself to others, remember this: no one is perfect! You are not alone. You don’t have to meet society’s standards. All you have to do is try your hardest and never give up on becoming the best you can be!

 

Making Sure We Stay Motivated

One thing that I constantly find myself struggling with is keeping up with exercising and practicing getting through my anxiety. I know for a fact that facing my fears and stretching will help me conquer self-doubt and yet, at the same time, it’s hard to do so on a consistent  basis.

Let’s face it – we all get lazy, lack motivation, or simply forget to do what we need to. While it may seem difficult for some to believe, even when we want so badly to improve our lives, these three issues can still play a major part in our daily lives. As human beings, we have days where we simply get lazy. We also experience times when we lack the motivation to do what we know we need to do in order to succeed. It’s not that we don’t want to get better, we just don’t feel like putting in the work. Sometimes this is due to anxiety itself wearing us down and sometimes it’s just due to life. Also, there’s forgetfulness. Whether we forget to exercise and practice facing our fears because we’re doing other important things or because we’re simply watching TV, sometimes we just forget to do what’s necessary.

These are in no way good excuses. Nothing is really a good excuse not to do what’s important. However, things happen. We might start practicing facing our fears and exercising on a consistent basis, but then somewhere down the line, we fall behind a bit. We start noticing that maybe it’s been a while since we last really did what we know to be essential to getting better.

No one’s perfect and with that, comes the fact that there may be times when we let other things come before putting in our best effort. While it’s perfectly normal that this might happen, it doesn’t make it okay to continue to not do what we should be doing.

Pay attention to your progress. Pay attention to how often you’re practicing healthy habits in order to get through your anxiety and over other obstacles. If you catch yourself not putting in your best effort, try hard to do so. Remember, and this is key, that getting through your anxiety and other issues is important . You are important.