Today I’m going to have a good day. Before you think, that’s easier said than done sometimes, let me explain.
Last year around this time, I was going somewhere with a relative of mine. To say the least, I was very excited. Now, I was also a bit apprehensive because going anywhere with my anxiety can sometimes be a struggle. However, I knew I’d be in the comfort of someone’s home and with people I trusted, so I felt that everything would be fine. Turns out, that wasn’t exactly the case.
While in terms of my anxiety, I did okay, I was made to feel miserable nonetheless. With the type of anxiety I deal with, I sometimes feel more comfortable eating in a comfortable space such as a living room where there are couches instead of regular tables and chairs. While I understand that some people do not wish their guests to eat in their living rooms, I do not think there is anything wrong with asking if it is okay to do so.
I stated earlier in this post that I felt comfortable around the people whom I was visiting. This is true. At the same time, however, I had only really met them one other time. Therefore, I kindly asked my relative if she could ask if it would be alright if I ate in the living room. She refused to ask. Instead, she said I could, “Eat on the kitchen floor!”
I was very hurt and upset. I could hardly believe my ears! I was not going to be forced to sit and eat on the floor. Not to mention, the fact that my relative would even say this absolutely crushed my heart. Instead of simply asking if I could eat somewhere, she made someone she loved feel like absolute garbage.
So today, instead of going out like I did last year to the same place, I’m staying home. I honestly don’t think that the person would have minded me eating in her living room (at the end of the day, she actually said that I could), but I don’t want to go through the same hassle with my relative, not knowing if I will be treated poorly. The funny thing is that the hosts of the home in which we visited were kinder to me that day than my own family member was. This is hard to accept, but it’s something that I have to realize and learn from.
I’m not saying that I’ll never go to this particular place with my relative again, but I will be smarter about saying yes when asked if I’d like to go. I want to be with people who respect me and who will support and help me in any way possible – not make me feel small and alone. I spent more than half the day last year starving when I didn’t have to, all because the person I loved couldn’t ask a simple question for me.
Today I’m going to make sure I have a good day. I’m going to make sure that I find a way to enjoy the decision I made. Even though it hurts that I couldn’t spend time with people I enjoy being around in a nice place, I’m happier at home where I know I’ll be respected by everyone and not just the majority. The only thing that really upsets me is that I think it’s a shame that because of one person – the person I’d be closest to if I went today – not being able to be helpful and supportive, I can’t go somewhere I enjoy.
Please remember that sometimes it’s okay to say no when you’re invited out. It’s important to do what’s best for you and what will make you feel good. Make the decision that you know you won’t regret.