The Good, Even In The Bad

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was interesting in that, while it was difficult, it was also great. Where I live it was 90 degrees. I went to my relative’s house. They don’t have air conditioning. Enough said, right?

The day started off really well. I had a doctor’s appointment and I did really well. I mean, really well. Even at one point, when I became slightly anxious, I didn’t let it take over. I’m so proud of myself that putting it into words doesn’t do it much justice. It was an amazing feeling to overcome my anxiety and have it not take control of the rest of my body to an extreme level.

Later on in the day was when things got a little more difficult. I decided to go outside a little bit and spend some time with Cali (an adorable stray cat my mom and I take care of). At first I felt okay with a small fan blowing, but soon I needed a break from the intense heat. I went inside and wasn’t able to go through the rest of the house like usual due to my relative painting. Therefore I had to head to the basement where it’s cooler. After still being too warm, I had to go back outside and retrieve the fan and bring it inside.

Perhaps to some, none of these things seem like a big deal. However, in addition to feeling overheated, I felt extremely anxious. My relative was busy and so instead of asking for help, I decided to try to do as much as I could on my own. I admit, it wasn’t easy. However, I got what I needed done.

In addition to the above achievements (and yes, I believe they were great successes), I also made a decision that was tough to make, but I believe was right. While I felt it was in the best interest of my relative, they seemed upset with the decision I made. I apologized and explained that my decision was meant to decrease their stress level and they said that they understood. They then thanked me for thinking of them. It still felt like they weren’t happy with what I did though. Still, I feel that I did the right thing and definitely, for the right reason.

All in all, I had a great day full of accomplishments. It’s a little challenging categorizing the day as ‘great’ when there were points where I felt very uncomfortable due to the combination of the heat and my anxiety. However, it did feel great to get through these moments.

I hope that everyone is doing well. Please remember how strong you are, even when things are difficult and when you’re struggling.

-B.

Being Proud With Your Progress…And Not Comparing Yourself With Others

Hi everyone! Long time no write! As I touched on in my last post, I began my first official job. Therefore I’ve been busy and don’t have as much time to write. However, I wanted to take the time today to share with you the importance of being proud of ones progress and trying our hardest to not compare ourselves with others.

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard for me not to compare where I am in my life with where everyone else is. In terms of where I am, there are a lot of people who are further. I am almost thirty and as I reach that milestone, I start to reflect on where I could be in my life and yes, I begin to feel a little depressed. However, I start to realize something else – that I have made a lot of progress and you know what? It feels amazing! For the longest time I thought that I wouldn’t be able to get better at certain things because of my anxiety and you know what? I have! For the longest time I thought I wouldn’t find a job where I could work at home. You know what? I have! Not only that, but I truly feel that I’m doing a great job.

So yes, maybe I’m not as ‘far along’ with my achievements as some other people are at this age. Yes, I still struggle with anxiety and I still wish that it didn’t hold me back from doing certain things. But you know what? I’m trying my hardest and I am making progress. There is no doubt in my mind about that. None whatsoever. I am proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud of my success and achievements. I’m going to keep working hard to get through my anxiety and I’m not going to give up. I believe that if I continue to face my anxiety on a consistent basis that I will make even more progress and hopefully, one day reach a point where anxiety will no longer hold me back from what I want to do.

I know that it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others. We see others who are closer to their goals than we are. Then there are some people who make rude comments or say hurtful things. It stops and makes us wonder if they’re right. I know what it’s like to wonder if I’m a failure. Let me tell you something. If you’re trying your hardest on a consistent basis then you are not a failure. Things take time and it’s okay if you’re not exactly where someone else is in life. What matters is that you continue to strive to make your life better. If you want to compete with anyone, compete with yourself. Make it your goal to make more progress so you can be more like the true version of yourself, the one that is not held back by negative obstacles.

I wish each and every one of you the best. Please remember to be proud of your progress!

Celebrating Your Accomplishments!

A lot of great things have come to blossom for me in these last two months. I started my first ‘real’ job and my book, Crimson Vows, sold out at Loganberry Books! These two events made me utterly happy and I am so grateful for these accomplishments.

I know I can’t speak for everyone, but sometimes my worrisome mind tends to try to destroy what’s good. When it comes to my job, I sometimes worry I’m not doing everything perfectly. When it comes to selling out of my book, I start wondering why it happened and found it hard at first to believe it did. I’m not going to lie, it’s still a little hard for me to believe. It’s something I’ve wanted for so long. Just like getting a job.

What I’ve come to realize, though, is that we have to celebrate our accomplishments. We have to believe in ourselves and be proud of ourselves. I worked hard to find a job, I got hired, and I’m doing my best. You know what? I think I’m doing really well. I also put a lot of work into writing Crimson Vows. It wasn’t easy going to Loganberry Books for the first time with anxiety and pitching my books (although Miesha did help make it a lot easier), but I did it. And you know what? It paid off!

There are times when we all struggle. There are times when we wonder if we’ll ever accomplish our goals. I truly believe that with hard, consistent effort, we will. I know it can sometimes be hard to see and believe, but it’s true.

For those of you who are struggling, hang tight and stay strong. Keep fighting for what you want. Don’t give up on your goals and when you achieve them, celebrate them!

I wish you all the best! 

Using Good Times As Proof

Today I had a great day! I went to my relative’s house and only got anxious for a brief second. It was hardly even that. In addition to minimal anxiety, I walked around more than usual and did things with ease. In addition, while I usually return home exhausted, I felt relaxed.

I know what it’s like to experience difficult times and wonder if you’ll ever get better. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless. It’s important to remember just how strong and capable we are.

Our good experiences are proof. Our progress is proof. What are they proof of? Our ability to do well, to get better. The good moments are proof that we are stronger than our struggles. So pay attention to when you have a good moment, day, week, month, year, etc. These times matter! Be proud of your success!

Making Progress Is No Small Thing

Making progress is a wonderful thing. Period. Though I have struggled with anxiety for a while now, I have come a long way and I am very proud of myself. I have made accomplishments, some small and some large, but all important. However, while I consider all of these accomplishments important and worthy of appreciation, not everyone sees it that way.

If you are like me and struggle with some sort of issue, you may find that there are people in your life who try to belittle any progress you make. They may even find some negative aspect of your progress and try to use it to make you feel bad about yourself.

I attended college and graduated with two degrees – a BA and an Associates. While there were times when I struggled to go to class or stay without leaving, I did manage to eventually make it through. Graduating college is an amazing accomplishment for anyone and it was an amazing one for me.

Even with the fact that I graduated college, I am a bit embarrassed. Why? Because I had to have my dad attend some of my classes with me. I sometimes became so anxious that if I needed to leave, I needed him with me. Still, I tried my hardest to go to class and as I stated earlier, I did graduate. It wasn’t always easy, but I got through it.

I didn’t deserve it, but the fact that my dad came to some of my classes was used against me. While it kills me that I haven’t, I’ve never had an official job before. Again, this is due to my anxiety. Unlike what some might think, I really do want to be able to work. I’ve even thought of some places where I might be comfortable working. When I asked my mom what she thought of me working at this specific store, her response was, “Your dad wouldn’t be able to stay there with you”. She treated me as if I was unintelligent; as if I didn’t realize this. I’m all for honesty, but that doesn’t mean that what she said and how she said it, didn’t hurt. In that moment, instead of focusing on how great it was that I graduated college, all I felt was pathetic because I needed my dad to be with me when most students were becoming more independent.

No matter what, progress in the right direction is a good thing. Not that it would have made me a failure if I did, but I never gave up on going to college. I never gave up on achieving that goal. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make you weak. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Also, no bit of progress is too small or worthless.

I Remember When…

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Before I really get into this post, I’d like to wish everyone well, especially with what’s going on right now. I’m not super into mentioning the virus, because I know we’re already being bombarded with stories and facts about it, but I do want to recognize what’s happening and wish everyone the best of health.

Now onto what this post is really about – the fact that while we may still be struggling with something, we should (and oftentimes, need), to focus on the good. The following is from a post I just wrote on my Instagram feed @b.w.ginsburg48. My account is private, but please feel free to send me a request to follow me if you so choose.

From my Instagram:

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of down. My birthday is soon and while this makes me happy, it’s also brought up some fears. I’m in my late 20s and I struggle with anxiety. I’m unable to work right now due to this and I worry that I’ll never get through my anxiety like I want to and never be able to work. But then, this morning, once again, I realized something. I have made 𝓼𝓸 much progress over the years – 𝓼𝓸 much. Sometimes I may forget this and maybe some people don’t realize it, but I’ve come a long way from how I used to be. My anxiety used to be worse and things that were once way more difficult have become simpler due to me practicing my fears on a consistent basis. So yes, while I still may struggle and have a long way to go, I have come far and made a lot of progress. You know what? You can as well.

So if you’ve been feeling down lately because you don’t feel you’ve accomplished enough and/or you’re worried about your future, please try to remember how much progress you 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 and truly 𝓬𝓪𝓷 make. Have faith in yourself and try your hardest. Also, if you ever need to talk, I (as well as many others), are here for you!

Stop Downplaying Your Progress and Success!

Hi everyone! So last week, I had a great time shopping with my mom. While I didn’t do a ‘perfect’ job, I did do really well when it came to going out and not allowing anxiety to get the best of me. I never had to leave the store early, I walked around, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

With that being said, there were moments when my anxiety did increase and I found myself doing less than spectacular. At those moments, I found that I began to beat myself up. My mom kept saying how well I was doing and yet, I still felt down on myself. Here’s the thing – there was a time when I wouldn’t even try to go into those stores. There was a time when I’d have to sit on the ground whenever I got too anxious to stand (true, they were furniture stores, so instead I sat on the couches, but I did get right back up and continue shopping!).

In the back of my mind, a part of me is still wishing I would have done even better. For example, I wish that I wouldn’t have had to hold on to my mom for the majority of the shopping (there were times when I didn’t). You know what? It’s okay to wish that. It’s okay to wish that I would have done better. Why? Because it’s good to set goals for ourselves and it’s good to want to accomplish more. At the same time, however, we have to give ourselves credit for what we did accomplish. I am so proud of myself that I went shopping to so many stores! I haven’t done that in a long time. All week was full of getting out and having a good time. It felt great! The more we practice facing our fears and overcoming our obstacles, the more progress we’ll make!

So stop downplaying your progress and success. The next time you hear yourself saying or thinking I did okay, but… or I did really good, but… stop yourself and realize that you did a wonderful job. Tell yourself that you’ll continue to work harder (and follow through with that promise), but at the same time, be proud of what you’ve already accomplished. None of us are perfect, but the fact that we continue to make progress makes all the difference in the world!

I hope that you’re all doing well and please remember that you’re not alone in your journey to be free from anxiety and any other issues you may be dealing with. Thanks for reading!

Being Proud of Progress (even when you’re not perfect)

As human beings, I think it can be difficult not to be tempted by negative thoughts. It’s hard when we struggle not to beat ourselves up, to put ourselves down for all of our missteps. However, it is important to remember that we are making progress and that even though we’re not perfect, that does not take away from our success.

Let’s take yesterday, for example. I went to church and did extremely well. I usually sit next to a relative and this time, because someone was sitting where my relative usually sits, I couldn’t. Therefore, I sat in my usual seat in back next to someone I’ve never met, and my relative sat in the pew in front of me (a good few away). You may think that doing well during mass while someone that usually sits next to you, instead just sits a little further away, isn’t a big deal, but to me it was. It meant that I could be independent and have enough faith in myself to believe that I could get through mass without becoming anxious – which I did! I didn’t really get anxious at all!

After church, I discovered that my relative and I would be staying after a while to help decorate. Even my relative was unaware of this. We ended up staying after (a whole two hours) and while I did struggle a little, I did pretty well all in all!

Now here’s the thing: I did get very upset with myself when I struggled. I felt miserable and I was mad at myself – mad that I couldn’t stand up to my anxiety and overcome its power. I allowed my anxiety to take control and for that, I was very upset. However, at the same time, I did get – in the end – get through it in that I didn’t let that one moment control the rest of my day. I got through that moment and I continued on with my day. You know what? The rest of the day went well! How awesome is that?!

I understand how difficult it can be not to get fed up with ourselves when we allow our obstacles and struggles to take control. At the same time, though, we can’t forget about the progress we’ve made or the fact that we are able to overcome our obstacles.

So, don’t forget to be proud of your accomplishments! Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t allow your moments of hardships to convince you that you’re not strong enough to get through whatever tries to hold you back!

Thinking Back

For those of us who struggle, we may often times find ourselves looking back. We may think about how we once did things with ease and now, those same actions seem difficult. While focusing on the past can have negative ramifications such as causing us to feel depressed or hopeless, there is a way to reflect on the past and use it to our benefit.

For starters, even when looking at what once came easily and may now seem difficult, we can turn the fact that we now struggle into something positive. How? We can realize that since we were once able to do that action with ease, we still can. We just have to work our hardest to accomplish that goal! That may not seem simple, but it is possible.

Additionally, thinking about the past can be a good thing. Many of us (even if it doesn’t always seem obvious) have made progress when it comes to facing our fears, getting through our anxiety, and overcoming our obstacles. Many of us have made tremendous strides in accomplishing our goals. By reflecting on the past, we can see just how far we’ve come. Perhaps we’re not exactly where we want to be, but the fact that we’ve made progress is extremely important.

So next time you find yourself focusing on the past in a negative light, try to remember all of the positive ways you can think about the past. Think about how far you’ve come and how with continued hard work, you can become even more successful!

Seeking Approval

Hi everybody! So, I know that I’ve touched on this subject before, but I’d like to talk about how many of us spend our time seeking the approval of others.

There is one person in particular who I’ve noticed I’m constantly trying to ‘impress’ – my mom. Unfortunately, she isn’t someone who really understands my struggle with anxiety as much as I would hope, which, in turn, makes me feel the need to show her that I am, in fact, making progress. The thing is, however, that I shouldn’t have to point it out to her and doing so, makes me feel kind of pathetic.

Don’t get me wrong – my mom has started noticing on her own that I’m doing better in some cases. This makes me extremely happy and proud of myself. Still, I find myself asking, “Did I do well?” and when I hear myself ask this, I find myself becoming a bit disappointed in myself. Why? Because it shouldn’t matter what my mom or anyone else says or thinks. As long as I’m making progress and recognize this fact, that’s all that should matter.

Therefore, I’ve decided something – not to ask the question of whether or not someone thinks I’ve done well at something. If someone wants to express how well I did themselves, that’s great – if not, that’s okay too. I’m going to depend on myself to judge my progress.

I think that by allowing myself to decide when I’ve done well, I’m giving myself more confidence – I’m not waiting for someone else to give me praise or determine how successful I’ve been. In my opinion, allowing others to judge us just adds unnecessary anxiety. So please don’t wait for others to say that you’re doing a good job, pat yourself on the back when you do well!