Stop Beating Yourself Up!

Stop beating yourself up! Easily said, easily done, right? Not so much. I’m always trying to explain that just because one may struggle with something or not get something done at the same pace as someone else, that it doesn’t make them pathetic or a failure. I believe this, I really do, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I don’t find myself thinking how pathetic I must be to struggle the way I do.

I’m not proud of this – but these are the facts. I don’t have a job right now, I still live at home with my family, and anxiety still effects me a great deal. I hate struggling with anxiety, I truly do, but that’s how it is right now. I try hard on a daily basis to get better and I hope that one day, anxiety will no longer hold me back from accomplishing all that I want to do.

Society tells us that if we don’t all do things at the same time, then we must be pathetic or that something must be wrong with us. THIS IS NOT TRUE! This should not be used an excuse not to try our hardest to overcome our obstacles, but we should not think ourselves pathetic or abnormal for not always meeting society’s standards. We all deal with different things and we all accomplish our goals at different times. What’s important is that we always try our hardest to get through whatever it is that’s holding us back and that we NEVER GIVE UP!

As I was lying down this morning, feeling pathetic, I realized something. I want to work, I want to be more independent, I want to get through my anxiety. The reason for me not having a job is not out of laziness or not wanting to do something more with my life, but because my anxiety is so severe. Also, it’s not as if I’m not trying to get better. I’m trying every single day! Also, I’ve made progress and I’m not useless – none of us are! I am a freelance writer for a great website, I’ve written and published two books and am currently working on my third, and I’ve made and am continuing to make progress when it comes to getting through my anxiety. All of these things are important! All of these things matter!

So remember, it doesn’t necessarily matter if you’re meeting society’s standards and expectations. What matters is that you’re trying your hardest to overcome your obstacles. No one but you knows exactly what you’re struggling with, no one but you can make your life all it can be. If you’re trying your hardest to get through what’s holding you back and if you refuse to give up on your goals, that’s what’s important!

 

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Progress Is Progress – Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Otherwise!

Maybe every time you’ve ever shared your progress with someone else, they’ve commended you. Maybe you’ve never had someone question how the progress you’ve made can really be labeled as such. I think that’s great. However, I know that I, for one, have experienced otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, many times when I share my progress with someone, they are proud of me and express those feelings of pride. They understand that if I’m doing something that I previously struggled with – no matter what it is – that it matters. Even if the step towards success may seem small, they see that it’s important.

On the opposite end, I’ve had people question my progress. I’ve mentioned that I did something that I usually back away from and instead of hearing their praise or that they think I did well, they just ask how it’s a big deal; how it qualifies as progress. I’m not going to lie – it hurts. I’m not saying that I constantly need recognition, but the last thing a person wants when they share their accomplishments with you, is to feel belittled or shut down. Any of us who have ever struggled with anything, know how difficult it can be to overcome our obstacles. We also know how good and refreshing it feels when it’s clear that they we stronger than what is holding us back. We want to be built up by ourselves and the ones we love, not torn down.

If you’ve experienced what I have – that some people aren’t understanding or kind when it comes to our struggles and hearing about our progress – then here is my advice. I recommend trying to save sharing your progress for the people who will actually appreciate and respect it. I know it’s hard not to want to shout your progress from the rooftop, but sometimes lending your happiness to others is a risky concept. Not everyone will be supportive and instead of showing you the respect you deserve, some will simply share harsh or careless words.

Again, and this is important to remember, there are people who will support, respect, and care for you. There are people who will go out of their way to cheer you on and to make you feel as special as you truly are. These are the people you want to allow into your lives and share both your good and bad times with. Don’t allow others to take away your sense of pride and accomplishment. No one can take away your progress, no one!

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Society’s Standards

Over the years, standards have been set. You should have a job, have your own living quarters, and heck, even have sex at a certain age according to society. I can understand how some of these standards have become expected, but I think that for them to be set in stone and expected to be followed by every individual is simply wrong.

I can understand why certain standards are set – I can. People should try hard to find employment and their own living quarters by a certain point in their life. I don’t, however, think it’s necessarily up to us to decide when that point should be for others.

I think that when people feel they are ready to do something, that is when they should. While people shouldn’t use this way of thinking to shirk their responsibilities or not work hard, I do think that it’s okay that not everyone does everything at the same time. We’re all different and sometimes things are harder for some of us than they are for others. This does not mean that we give up or don’t keep trying our hardest to accomplish our goals, but rather that we don’t constantly beat ourselves up for not always meeting society’s standards.

A word that I really don’t like is ‘pathetic’. So many people who are less than understanding throw this word at people when society’s standards are not met. No one is perfect and people struggle – struggling is difficult and no one enjoys it.

It may be hard to see at times, but even those who struggle are often trying their best. Things may not be as easy for some of us as for others, but this does not mean that we’re not putting our best foot forward.

If you find yourself struggling and comparing yourself to others, remember this: no one is perfect! You are not alone. You don’t have to meet society’s standards. All you have to do is try your hardest and never give up on becoming the best you can be!

 

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The ‘Norm’

So lately I’ve been feeling a bit down. I’m still struggling with anxiety and it still holds me back from doing many of the things I love. Also, while I don’t hate living at home still, I know a lot of people my age aren’t still living with their parents.

I’m not going to lie – it can be very depressing. I want to be more independent and have a job, but my anxiety stands in the way. Maybe to some people that seems like an excuse, but it’s not. Anxiety can be a very powerful thing and it can make you feel like your unable to do even the simplest of things.

The thing is that while it’s good to have goals, we sometimes need to stop focusing so much on what’s considered ‘the norm’ and instead focus on doing the best we can. It really does no good to sit around and feel guilty or pathetic that you maybe still live with your parents or don’t have a job. As my dad said, we all do things at different times in our life and while we should have goals and shouldn’t use our issues as an excuse, it’s okay if we don’t do everything at the same speed as others.

The important thing is that we continue to try our hardest and that we never give up on our goals. If we work hard on a consistent basis, we can and will be successful. I know it’s hard not to let what’s considered normal dictate your life and not to feel bad if you don’t fit in with what’s considered ‘proper’, but sometimes things happen that cause us to stray from the norm. Straying from the norm does not make us pathetic or weird, but rather means that we’re different or have different issues than some other individuals may have.

Before I end this post, I want to tell you this. Don’t let anyone make you feel pathetic that you don’t fit in with the norm. Like I said, sometimes life doesn’t turn out how we wish it would and sometimes there are circumstances that make things a little harder. The only real failure in life is giving up completely. If you’re not happy with how things are, you can always change them. Don’t allow others to bring you down and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just work hard!

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The ‘B’ Word – Burden

I’ve written about this before, but I think as anxiety sufferers, many of us know what it’s like to feel like burdens – to feel like we’re driving everyone around us crazy and making things hard on them.

Let me start out by saying that I actually really like my personality. I’ve always thought I was a pretty nice person, etc. What I don’t like is my anxiety and how, over the years, it’s made me struggle so much and, at times, made me feel like I hate myself.

Last night I had a panic attack – maybe the worst one in a little while. Let’s just say that it made me feel pathetic and while I’m happy I have seen some improvements in my anxiety (and am grateful for them), it still hurts to see myself struggle like I did last night. On top of that, two of my family members made mean comments and I’m not ashamed to say that the high level of anxiety, coupled with the cruel and hurtful comments, left me crying for quite a while.

I oftentimes feel like a burden when anxiety hits. When I’m at home and have a really anxious moment and need help or when I’m out and need help, I can sense people growing annoyed and it’s not paranoia. I know this because I’ve heard the cruel comments that sometimes come out of the mouths of loved ones. Don’t get me wrong I know they love me and care about me, but I also know that anxiety isn’t easy on anyone and since I’m the one with the anxiety, it’s hard not to feel like it’s all my fault – like I’m not a huge burden. My dad and others have reassured me that this isn’t true, but sometimes the actions of others speak louder than words.

I’d like to say that I’ll never feel this way again, but I can’t promise you that. I can’t promise you that you won’t ever feel this way either. Anxiety is hard to deal with and it’s hard for loved ones to deal with as well. Still, we must try to remember that we are NOT burdens, though we may feel otherwise. If anything is a burden, it is anxiety. We are NOT our anxiety. While we may feel wholly intertwined, our anxiety is a separate entity from who we are. We struggled with anxiety, we are not the same as anxiety. I know it can be hard to separate the two in our minds sometimes, but we don’t have to allow anxiety to control us or how we feel about ourselves.

Also, while I know how difficult it is to ignore, if someone is cruel to you due to your anxiety (or any other reason for that matter), remember how hard you’re trying to fight your struggles and get over your obstacles. Remember that the person who is judging you does not know what you’re going through and most likely, never will. Remember how amazing and wonderful you are and all the progress you have made. If you keep working hard, you will succeed!

Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember to have love for yourself as well as for others! ❤

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Sleeping

Before I begin this post, I don’t mean to be a downer so near to Christmas. In fact, if you’d rather not read a post about anxiety and my sleeping issue, then feel free to skip reading this. I totally understand. I just thought I would write this to talk about what I’m going through and hopefully help anyone experiencing the same issue.

I’ve found that for a while now, I’ve been sleeping a lot during the day. I think this is for many reasons. For one thing, I don’t go out a lot because of my anxiety. This means that I’m not currently working and I have a lot of time to just sit around and think. This may seem like something a lot of you would love, but trust me, it’s not always very thrilling. I would much rather have a job than not work because anxiety gets in the way of me doing something I want to do. Anyway, back to the sleeping issue. I also think I sleep a lot during the day because I get bored. Let’s face it, I can only browse the web, watch Netflix, write, and read so much before I get tired of doing all of those things.

I don’t like sleeping so much. Without telling you my exact age, I’m between 20 and 35. I shouldn’t sleep as much as I do. It can be hard though to break the pattern and I think that anxiety can sometimes, plain and simple, tire a person out.

I’m not depressed, so I know that’s not one of the reasons I sleep so much. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I get sad and bummed that I struggle with anxiety and can’t do a lot of the things I want to, but I’m not ‘depressed’. I know from reading blogs and hearing about depression that it’s much more than feeling down once in a while.

Still though, the fact remains that I hate that I find myself sleeping a good portion of the day. I just get so bored sometimes and not being able to go outside (plus it’s winter) or do stuff due to my anxiety makes it hard not to just say to myself, “Well I might as well just go to sleep, there’s nothing else to do!”.

I’m going to try my hardest to stay up more during the day. I’m going to try to take that time I’d usually take sleeping and exercise instead.

What about you? Do you sleep a lot during the day due to anxiety or depression? If you do, don’t be ashamed, I know a little about what you’re going through.

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It’s Not Weak To Share Your Feelings

I feel like there’s this huge misconception that showing your feelings means that you’re weak. I feel like people think that holding everything in makes you strong. I’m sorry, but I have to say that I disagree. I’m not saying that if you’re someone who keeps your emotions and thoughts inside, that you’re not strong, but rather I’m saying that there’s nothing wrong with sharing how you feel.

I’ve heard it before, and I’m sure you have too. People call other people strong and say things like, “Wow, I didn’t even know that you had [insert mental or physical health issue here]”. The way these people say this is as if a person hiding their issues makes someone strong. Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people who are strong who don’t share their feelings or emotions. However, I feel that we need to make sure that we also note that people who do share their feelings and struggles are also very strong.

Maybe I’m wrong, but it almost seems like people tend to give more credit to those who hold in their feelings than to those who don’t. I think that’s wrong and also, very sad. I think people need to know that it’s okay to share their issues and feelings and that by doing so, not only are they helping themselves, but they’re helping others who struggle as well. By sharing what we go through, we inform others who struggle that they’re not alone.

Perhaps I’m a little bias. I’ve always been the type of person who talks about my issues (to those I trust anyway). Sometimes I feel like the world wants this and appreciates this trait and other times, not so much. There are tons of people out there who sadly, don’t want to hear it. However, we need to realize that sharing our feelings is important and as I said, beneficial to ourselves and others. So don’t hold in how you feel! Share your feelings and struggles with those who you trust!

 

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