Choosing Wisely

Today I’m going to have a good day. Before you think, that’s easier said than done sometimes, let me explain.

Last year around this time, I was going somewhere with a relative of mine. To say the least, I was very excited. Now, I was also a bit apprehensive because going anywhere with my anxiety can sometimes be a struggle. However, I knew I’d be in the comfort of someone’s home and with people I trusted, so I felt that everything would be fine. Turns out, that wasn’t exactly the case.

While in terms of my anxiety, I did okay, I was made to feel miserable nonetheless. With the type of anxiety I deal with, I sometimes feel more comfortable eating in a comfortable space such as a living room where there are couches instead of regular tables and chairs. While I understand that some people do not wish their guests to eat in their living rooms, I do not think there is anything wrong with asking if it is okay to do so.

I stated earlier in this post that I felt comfortable around the people whom I was visiting. This is true. At the same time, however, I had only really met them one other time. Therefore, I kindly asked my relative if she could ask if it would be alright if I ate in the living room. She refused to ask. Instead, she said I could, “Eat on the kitchen floor!”

I was very hurt and upset. I could hardly believe my ears! I was not going to be forced to sit and eat on the floor. Not to mention, the fact that my relative would even say this absolutely crushed my heart. Instead of simply asking if I could eat somewhere, she made someone she loved feel like absolute garbage.

So today, instead of going out like I did last year to the same place, I’m staying home. I honestly don’t think that the person would have minded me eating in her living room (at the end of the day, she actually said that I could), but I don’t want to go through the same hassle with my relative, not knowing if I will be treated poorly. The funny thing is that the hosts of the home in which we visited were kinder to me that day than my own family member was. This is hard to accept, but it’s something that I have to realize and learn from.

I’m not saying that I’ll never go to this particular place with my relative again, but I will be smarter about saying yes when asked if I’d like to go. I want to be with people who respect me and who will support and help me in any way possible – not make me feel small and alone. I spent more than half the day last year starving when I didn’t have to, all because the person I loved couldn’t ask a simple question for me.

Today I’m going to make sure I have a good day. I’m going to make sure that I find a way to enjoy the decision I made. Even though it hurts that I couldn’t spend time with people I enjoy being around in a nice place, I’m happier at home where I know I’ll be respected by everyone and not just the majority. The only thing that really upsets me is that I think it’s a shame that because of one person – the person I’d be closest to if I went today – not being able to be helpful and supportive, I can’t go somewhere I enjoy.

Please remember that sometimes it’s okay to say no when you’re invited out. It’s important to do what’s best for you and what will make you feel good. Make the decision that you know you won’t regret.

Advertisements
Standard

Blog Reminder

Hey guys! I hope you’re all having a great day! As just a reminder, I’d like to mention that in addition to this blog, I also have one over at https://restinpieceblog.wordpress.com/, which is dedicated to my two books and other advice and thoughts as a writer/author. Please feel free to check it out!

Thank You,

B.W. Ginsburg

Standard

Nothing more

Matt over at In Silence We Suffer gives great advice! Please check out his wonderful blog!

In Silence We Suffer

In life we are all guilty of comparing ourselves to the people around us. Oh, how I wish I could be as laid-back as so-and-so. But what we don’t always realise is that we are actually comparing ourselves to the image that they project, the way that they want to be seen. We see no faults in their appearance, and perhaps foolishly, perhaps naively, we believe that no faults exist. We compare ourselves to them without knowing the whole truth.

Everybody has secrets, which they hide from the light of day. If they do not confide in us, perhaps we will never know them. How can we compare ourselves to other people when we can see nothing but the positives in them and the negatives in ourselves?

We can only compare ourselves to the person that we were yesterday. To strive to live each day as the best version of…

View original post 6 more words

Standard

Being Your Own Best Friend

Out of My Thoughts

start-the-work-of-being-your-best-friend

You might know the actor Wentworth Miller as the main lead of Prison Break.  I have, admittedly, never seen Prison Break, but have only recently gotten acquainted with him after watching one his interviews posted by B. G. from her blog Getting Through Anxiety.  I have loved reading her blog and also the information she shares.  After watching and re-watching this interview, it has allowed me to reflect and re-assess how I deal with my anxiety in positive way.

There was so much that I connected to and learnt from listening to Wentworth that I couldn’t even possibly cover in one blogpost.  I think the one “aha” moment (sorry that is the only phrase that came to my mind) was when he discussed how he dealt with his depression.  He said he had to “start the work of being [his] best friend.” He then talked how he felt he had…

View original post 261 more words

Standard

Motivation

Motivation can sometimes seem impossible to come by. Even when we want to do something with all our heart and soul, we can feel as if we have no energy to take the necessary steps to accomplish our goals.

I have been noticing a lack of motivation and energy for a while now. As many of you know, I would love nothing better than to get through my anxiety and to live a ‘normal’ life. I absolutely hate how anxiety is always getting in the way of things I want to do and accomplish. Still though, there have been so many times when I put off exercising and practicing facing my fears – two things that I know I have to do consistently to make progress.

As I may have mentioned before, I tried setting my alarm clock on my phone so that when the alarm went off, I would know to exercise. Let’s just say that after a while, I started to ignore the alarm. Even when I changed the tune to the most annoying sound available, I would end up just letting it go. I knew even when it was happening that it wasn’t a good idea, but let’s face it – sometimes we’re just lazy or not in the mood to exercise or do what we know we have to.

The other day I saw my therapist and told him that I had come up with another way to help myself stay motivated and actually carry out the exercises that I know are necessary to make real progress. My idea? I’ve decided that until I’m allowed to write, I have to do some exercises.

Now I know what you may be thinking – that’s awfully extreme. When you really think about it though, it’s not. Getting through my anxiety is extremely important to me and the better I am at getting through my anxiety and not allowing it to control my life, the more I’ll be able to do what I want in life. By not letting myself do something I love until I exercise, I show myself that there is a correlation between exercising and writing. The connection, you ask? If I want to be a professional writer, the best way to do that is to overcome my fears so that I can go out in the real world and try to become the professional author that I want to be. If I’m more confident with getting out, I can get a job that helps me become more successful in writing and I can start living the life I want to live!

I’m not saying this plan would work for everyone, but if you’re searching for a way to almost force yourself to exercise and face your fears, it might just be something you should try! For example, maybe you love to read. Tell yourself that until you can read, you have to do so many exercises or face your fear in some way or another.

Sometimes we need to come up with creative and safe ways to motivate ourselves. While one might think that wanting something will all your heart and soul is motivation enough, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes we have to find other ways to get ourselves to do what’s necessary to succeed!

Standard