The Ultimate Decision

Here’s the situation – you want to go out somewhere but you’re afraid your anxiety will interfere. You worry that instead of having a good time, your anxiety will make things difficult. Then you fear you’ll somehow embarrass yourself. You start to wonder if it’s even worth the trip. Of course, if you don’t go, you’ll regret that too.

I know this conundrum all too well. It’s like the Clash’s song, Should I Stay or Should I Go. It’s a tough choice and at times, no answer seems like the right one. Still, we have to make a decision. Should we take the risk that our anxiety might try to take over and make us miserable, or should we let it win without us even trying to do what we so badly want?

In a few days, I might have the opportunity to go somewhere amazing. It’s somewhere I’ve never been before, but know that I’ll enjoy it. I’d even be going with some great people. The problem? I’m worried my anxiety will cause issues. I want to enjoy myself and I don’t want anyone to suffer if my anxiety kicks in.

I know I shouldn’t focus on the negative. I know that. Still, I think back and remember the other times where my anxiety has effected my outings in a negative way. I don’t want that to happen again.

However, there is another side to this. The positive side. The people I’d maybe be going with know about my anxiety. They are kind people who I think would be supportive and patient. Also, I am making progress with getting through my anxiety and I have that to hold onto.

If you’re trying to decide whether or not you should do something because you don’t know how anxiety will effect things, consider this:

1.) If you’re going with other people, will they be patient and understanding? If not, can you handle that? Will their negativity and how they treat you if things don’t go perfectly spoil your good time? If so, maybe you should reconsider. However, don’t allow negative people to necessarily change your mind about going out or doing things. Remind yourself how strong you really are.

2.) What would be worse? Going out and maybe becoming anxious or not going out at all and possibly regretting not at least trying?

Please believe me when I say that I know how hard it can be deciding if you should do something when anxiety can be involved. Thinking about all the negative things that could happen can be scary. However, at the same time, so can not doing something you want because you’re giving into your fears.

I, personally, like to try. I like to go out and give it my best shot. I know that can be easier said than done. Trust me, I do. Still, I’ve gone out to find that I’ve overcome my anxiety and had a great time!

 

Using Good Times As Proof

Today I had a great day! I went to my relative’s house and only got anxious for a brief second. It was hardly even that. In addition to minimal anxiety, I walked around more than usual and did things with ease. In addition, while I usually return home exhausted, I felt relaxed.

I know what it’s like to experience difficult times and wonder if you’ll ever get better. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless. It’s important to remember just how strong and capable we are.

Our good experiences are proof. Our progress is proof. What are they proof of? Our ability to do well, to get better. The good moments are proof that we are stronger than our struggles. So pay attention to when you have a good moment, day, week, month, year, etc. These times matter! Be proud of your success!

How To Dismiss the Negativity of Others

Hi everybody. This afternoon, I would like to discuss the topic of negativity. Specifically, the negative words and comments that we hear from others. While some of you may be familiar with why I am writing about this topic today (I recently posted a little about it on Instagram), I will provide the background story.

A couple of days ago, I was at a relative’s house. As I usually do when I go to this person’s house, I spent a good part of the day outside. Due to the heat, I ask that my relative bring out the fan and yes, sometimes I do ask for help getting around. For the most part, however, I felt I did well outside getting around the other day.

I did, at one point, get panicky. To make matters worse, my relative does not have air conditioning. I’m not sure what the logic is behind this, but severe heat seems to only add to my anxiety. So, yes, I asked my relative for more help – to bring me a fan and water.

The point of me telling you all this is because I want to prove that I am not blinded by how my anxiety can not only be frustrating and a pain to myself, but to others. Still, I still know I deserve respect. All of you do as well.

At one point, I simply called my relative’s name and I was snapped at. From then on, things only grew worse. I was told that my relative “could not accommodate my needs” and that they had been hearing me calling their name all day. Here was a person that was supposed to help me and be kind and understanding, treating me as if I was a burden.

I expressed how I felt. I told them that I was trying my best. They said they knew that, but it certainly did not seem that way. While later on, I did receive an apology from the individual saying that they were sorry they snapped at me, the first apology was hardly one at all. My relative had at first said, “I’m sorry you’re mad at me.”

Once the person I’m referring to was out of earshot, I went in the other room and cried. I truly felt like an inconvenience. While this person is in no way a horrible individual or constantly cruel, when they are, it hurts more than I can explain. As I’m sure some of you know, being treated like a burden – especially by someone you love – is not easy.

What I find really difficult sometimes, is not believing I’m a burden. It can be hard when I’ve heard the negative and cruel comments of others. It can be hard when people sometimes make it like being around me is a chore. So how do I remember that I’m not a burden? That I’m trying my hardest and am loved?

I focus on the progress I’ve made. I focus on those who love and support me. I remember that even if someone has been mean to me about my anxiety, that it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care or love me. Some people just don’t understand, are impatient, or can be cruel at times. I also remember that it’s okay that I’m not perfect and that no one is.

Just because someone may treat you like a burden, doesn’t make you are one. We all struggle. Some people just aren’t good at sympathizing with and understanding others. They focus on how hard things are for them and tend to forget that someone else is struggling and trying their best too. I know how much my relative does for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing a lot too. It just means that sometimes, because of my anxiety, things are harder, I can’t do things as easily, or always all at once.

For anyone who has ever been treated like a burden, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. No one does. Also, please know that you are not one. You are strong, brave, and worthy of someone’s time and love. We all struggle and none of us are perfect. Instead of focusing on the cruel actions and words of others, please focus on your progress, loved ones who show you kindness, and the fact that you are cared for.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great weekend.

-B.

 

 

 

 

Dearest Jay: A Ghost Story

My newest short story!

B.W. Ginsburg

Hi friends and readers! I hope you’re doing well. In addition to writing my next novel, I just finished writing a new short story. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed working in it. I could hardly stop!

I was so proud of my short story, entitled Dearest Jay: A Ghost Story, that I published it. It can be purchased on Amazon.com in ebook format for $2.99. Here is the summary of the story:

Anne Lancaster is dying. As she writes the last words of her life, she recalls the most terrifying events she ever witnessed. She must reveal her biggest secret before she breathes her last breath and her family members pay the ultimate price.

View original post

“I just don’t like struggling at all”

Tonight I had another panic attack. I got really anxious and I could hardly stand. Everything seemed difficult. I hate that feeling.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been getting better. I’m very grateful for this. However, I still have moments where I get extremely anxious and I feel in those moments, like I’m falling apart and losing all the progress I’ve made. I know that isn’t true, but in that moment, that’s how it feels.

Sometimes I think that maybe I shouldn’t complain. After all, I used to struggle a lot more. Maybe I should just be appreciative that I’ve gotten better and not get so upset when I have a panic attack or become extremely anxious. Still, as I just told a relative, I don’t like struggling at all. And you know what? That’s okay! We don’t have to like it! In fact, we should strive to overcome our anxiety and get to the point that it no longer controls us. We shouldn’t just sit back and accept that our anxiety tries to control us. We should work hard to defeat it.

I think the secret is this: to get upset at our anxiety, not at ourselves. When we start to struggle and find our anxiety is taking over, we should try our hardest to stand up to it; to take charge. We shouldn’t get mad at ourselves. After all, it’s not our faults that we struggle.

Making Progress Is No Small Thing

Making progress is a wonderful thing. Period. Though I have struggled with anxiety for a while now, I have come a long way and I am very proud of myself. I have made accomplishments, some small and some large, but all important. However, while I consider all of these accomplishments important and worthy of appreciation, not everyone sees it that way.

If you are like me and struggle with some sort of issue, you may find that there are people in your life who try to belittle any progress you make. They may even find some negative aspect of your progress and try to use it to make you feel bad about yourself.

I attended college and graduated with two degrees – a BA and an Associates. While there were times when I struggled to go to class or stay without leaving, I did manage to eventually make it through. Graduating college is an amazing accomplishment for anyone and it was an amazing one for me.

Even with the fact that I graduated college, I am a bit embarrassed. Why? Because I had to have my dad attend some of my classes with me. I sometimes became so anxious that if I needed to leave, I needed him with me. Still, I tried my hardest to go to class and as I stated earlier, I did graduate. It wasn’t always easy, but I got through it.

I didn’t deserve it, but the fact that my dad came to some of my classes was used against me. While it kills me that I haven’t, I’ve never had an official job before. Again, this is due to my anxiety. Unlike what some might think, I really do want to be able to work. I’ve even thought of some places where I might be comfortable working. When I asked my mom what she thought of me working at this specific store, her response was, “Your dad wouldn’t be able to stay there with you”. She treated me as if I was unintelligent; as if I didn’t realize this. I’m all for honesty, but that doesn’t mean that what she said and how she said it, didn’t hurt. In that moment, instead of focusing on how great it was that I graduated college, all I felt was pathetic because I needed my dad to be with me when most students were becoming more independent.

No matter what, progress in the right direction is a good thing. Not that it would have made me a failure if I did, but I never gave up on going to college. I never gave up on achieving that goal. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make you weak. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Also, no bit of progress is too small or worthless.

I Remember When…

1ECDE7F6-40AD-4794-926F-9D51EB58FFA6

Before I really get into this post, I’d like to wish everyone well, especially with what’s going on right now. I’m not super into mentioning the virus, because I know we’re already being bombarded with stories and facts about it, but I do want to recognize what’s happening and wish everyone the best of health.

Now onto what this post is really about – the fact that while we may still be struggling with something, we should (and oftentimes, need), to focus on the good. The following is from a post I just wrote on my Instagram feed @b.w.ginsburg48. My account is private, but please feel free to send me a request to follow me if you so choose.

From my Instagram:

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of down. My birthday is soon and while this makes me happy, it’s also brought up some fears. I’m in my late 20s and I struggle with anxiety. I’m unable to work right now due to this and I worry that I’ll never get through my anxiety like I want to and never be able to work. But then, this morning, once again, I realized something. I have made 𝓼𝓸 much progress over the years – 𝓼𝓸 much. Sometimes I may forget this and maybe some people don’t realize it, but I’ve come a long way from how I used to be. My anxiety used to be worse and things that were once way more difficult have become simpler due to me practicing my fears on a consistent basis. So yes, while I still may struggle and have a long way to go, I have come far and made a lot of progress. You know what? You can as well.

So if you’ve been feeling down lately because you don’t feel you’ve accomplished enough and/or you’re worried about your future, please try to remember how much progress you 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 and truly 𝓬𝓪𝓷 make. Have faith in yourself and try your hardest. Also, if you ever need to talk, I (as well as many others), are here for you!