Please Forgive Me

I know I talk a lot about judging others and how we should all try our hardest to avoid it. I have to admit though, that even I’m guilty of judging. Every time I hear someone say how they struggle with anxiety, I can’t help wondering how true it is – especially when there are no outward signs of them struggling.

I know this sounds horrible and many of you may never want to read this blog again. I’m not going to make excuses for myself. Yes I’m a human being and I think as human beings, we all have moments where we judge others, but that’s doesn’t make it okay.

First let me say that I’m not doubting anyone who says they suffer from anxiety. Rather, as a person who suffers from anxiety so much that it shows, I tend to wonder how bad a person’s anxiety can really be if I see no sign of it. Right away when they say they struggle, I sometimes think how I must struggle even more.

I’m not proud of this thought process. In fact, I’m embarrassed of it and ashamed to admit that I sometimes think this way. I know that some people are simply better at hiding their feelings and, really, whether or not there are outward signs of your anxiety has no bearing on how much you’re really struggling.

Still, I feel the need to apologize for these thoughts. Why? Because it’s not right to compare my struggles with others’. We all struggle in different ways and just because you may be able to tell that I struggle, doesn’t make my anxiety any worse or more real than yours. We all process things differently and we all have different symptoms.

I also want to add that whether your anxiety is something that others notice or not, it does not mean that you are weaker or stronger than others around you. Like I said, anxiety manifests for different people in different ways. Don’t feel like your anxiety or how you deal with it makes you weak. You are strong – far stronger than your fears!

P.S. Please understand that I know that just because you may hide your anxiety or be better at not showing it, does not mean that your anxiety is not as bad as mine or the anxiety of others. I merely meant that I can sometimes, like many others, be quick to judge and that I am truly sorry.

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24 thoughts on “Please Forgive Me

  1. I think it’s human nature to have the feelings you do. I noticed that some people want to be the ones who are worse off. They get enjoyment out of being the center of attention in that pity way. Then others want to find someone else who suffers the way they do so they know that they aren’t alone in this battle. I’m really good at hiding my anxiety. My husband is the only one who notices when I’m about to freak out sometimes before I do and he quickly tries to take me away from whatever situation is setting me off. I learned to hide it because I felt like I had no other choice. Anxiety is still one of those very judged things and a lot of people think we are just making an excuse or that we just want attention. So I learned how to hide mine. It’s not always easy and it does show sometimes and I hate it. I still get those ‘get over it’ comments.
    You’re only human.

    • I’m so sorry you struggle. I hope it didn’t come off as me actually believing that those who hide their anxiety aren’t really suffering. I meant that sometimes, the thought quickly passes through my mind that my anxiety must be worse because it shows. I don’t want it to be worse and I know that those who hold in their struggles or hide it struggle just as much.

      • Thanks. I just didn’t want people under the impression that I think you have to SHOW your anxiety for it to be real. I merely meant that sometimes quick thoughts come through our minds and that we have to correct ourselves and remember that everyone deals differently. Some people are just better at hiding their emotions or have learned ways to calm themselves. I’m not recommending holding in ones feelings though.

  2. I really appreciate your honesty. We all judge, whether we like it or not. The important thing is to be aware of our judgements and to make the conscious decision to be more understanding.

  3. I think we all pass judgment as part of human nature. I don’t recall where I saw it, but there was a meme about how your first thought is your judgment, and it’s what you do with it afterwards that counts. Breaking down the judgment and realizing where you’re right and wrong.

    It’s funny that you say you judged people who are anxious but don’t show it, because for my own confession, I used to judge people who are anxious who can’t hide it, because I’m one of those who refuses to show how I’m really feeling in public. This comes from years of being gaslit, mocked, teased, and ridiculed for my hypersensitivity. I learned to put up a wall in order to survive. I’m also an INFJ, which makes people mistake me for outgoing/extroverted, but in reality, I’ve just learned how to be a good actress. In reality we all handle anxiety and other mental issues in a variety of ways. I still can’t fathom people who aren’t affected by the horrible things people say. The “just don’t care” crowd. I wish I had that option.

    No one should hate you for this, but being someone with anxiety, I understand the need to constantly apologize. I always feel like I’m too much and such a pain to deal with. I know intellectually it’s not true, but that fear is always there.

  4. This is a great post and it seems no apology is necessary. Many people without anxiety have tunnel-vision about mental health! And your acknowledgement of others is gracious. I have been met with scepticism many times when I speak of my anxiety and appearances can be deceiving, but it is really hard not to compare ourselves to others when anxiety can be so isolating x

  5. Everyone has said it better than I will, but I want to reiterate it. I think everyone makes these snap judgments… if not, then a whole lotta people do it. Noticing & countering your first impressions/judgments is something is the important part.

    I certainly don’t think less of you for this post! I think it’s just part of being human. How we react to those thoughts is what makes us good people… or not. ❤

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