I’ve written about this before, but I think as anxiety sufferers, many of us know what it’s like to feel like burdens – to feel like we’re driving everyone around us crazy and making things hard on them.
Let me start out by saying that I actually really like my personality. I’ve always thought I was a pretty nice person, etc. What I don’t like is my anxiety and how, over the years, it’s made me struggle so much and, at times, made me feel like I hate myself.
Last night I had a panic attack – maybe the worst one in a little while. Let’s just say that it made me feel pathetic and while I’m happy I have seen some improvements in my anxiety (and am grateful for them), it still hurts to see myself struggle like I did last night. On top of that, two of my family members made mean comments and I’m not ashamed to say that the high level of anxiety, coupled with the cruel and hurtful comments, left me crying for quite a while.
I oftentimes feel like a burden when anxiety hits. When I’m at home and have a really anxious moment and need help or when I’m out and need help, I can sense people growing annoyed and it’s not paranoia. I know this because I’ve heard the cruel comments that sometimes come out of the mouths of loved ones. Don’t get me wrong I know they love me and care about me, but I also know that anxiety isn’t easy on anyone and since I’m the one with the anxiety, it’s hard not to feel like it’s all my fault – like I’m not a huge burden. My dad and others have reassured me that this isn’t true, but sometimes the actions of others speak louder than words.
I’d like to say that I’ll never feel this way again, but I can’t promise you that. I can’t promise you that you won’t ever feel this way either. Anxiety is hard to deal with and it’s hard for loved ones to deal with as well. Still, we must try to remember that we are NOT burdens, though we may feel otherwise. If anything is a burden, it is anxiety. We are NOT our anxiety. While we may feel wholly intertwined, our anxiety is a separate entity from who we are. We struggled with anxiety, we are not the same as anxiety. I know it can be hard to separate the two in our minds sometimes, but we don’t have to allow anxiety to control us or how we feel about ourselves.
Also, while I know how difficult it is to ignore, if someone is cruel to you due to your anxiety (or any other reason for that matter), remember how hard you’re trying to fight your struggles and get over your obstacles. Remember that the person who is judging you does not know what you’re going through and most likely, never will. Remember how amazing and wonderful you are and all the progress you have made. If you keep working hard, you will succeed!
Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember to have love for yourself as well as for others! ❤