What I Should Have Said

Okay, so as you all know, I suffer from severe anxiety. After a while of going to different therapists, I finally found one that I’m happy with. I’m not saying we never have slight differences of opinions, but he’s helped me more than any other therapists ever have. My psychiatrist, however, is a different story.

I was seeing another psychiatrist for a while and that didn’t turn out well. She was really nice until one day she changed her mind about something she said and because of this, she told me she couldn’t see me anymore. After that horrible experience, I decided to find a new psychiatrist.

I quickly found that my new psychiatrist (while devoted to seeing me and not giving me false information), wasn’t the most understanding individual. On several occasions I’ve explained that I don’t like the idea of taking medication. However, I did eventually decide to take some and then, because I was still struggling a lot, I increased my dosage. While never technically forcing me to take more, he always says things to make me feel guilty that I’m not taking even more medication.

My psychiatrist is constantly saying that I’m not on tons of medication. Fine, whatever. Whether or not he considers my dosage ‘high’, to me it’s a lot to take (I’m also on medication for epilepsy, and I just don’t like medication!). Anyways, every time I go for an appointment, he says that if I wanted to get better, I would take more medicine. This is not true!

I had another appointment today. I was asked if I was experiencing any side effects. I said that I felt I might be. Immediately, I was shot down. I was told that what I was experiencing was not from the medication. Maybe my psychiatrist was right, maybe it has nothing to do with taking the medicine. Still though, would it kill him to actually look into it instead of just saying off the top of his head, that it’s not even remotely possible?

Though I said how I felt (I mentioned how I sometimes randomly start slurring and how my hand gets weak after writing a lot or drawing), I didn’t completely say how I felt.

I should have said that he never listens to me. I should have said that he makes me feel ridiculous and like I’m making up how I feel. I should have said that he should look into the possible side effects instead of just shrugging it off. I should have said that I hate how he makes me feel guilty about not wanting to take more and more medication. I should have said these things, but I didn’t. I was anxious and I just took it all in, feeling once again defeated by the fact that he doesn’t listen to me.

Please, please tell your doctors how you feel. I know it’s not easy, but it’s important. If you don’t feel they’re listening, speak up! You deserve the right to be heard! Be nice about it, but say how you feel!

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42 thoughts on “What I Should Have Said

  1. This angers me so much. They went to school for Psychiatry…they know how the mind works, how you can’t help how you feel, and they are paid tons of money to listen, not prescribe medication….they are MENTAL health physicians!! Ugh! I’m sorry you had to go through that!

  2. I hope you look into getting a new psychiatrist. Immediately shooting down your concerns without even looking into potential side effects isn’t just rude and unprofessional–it’s downright dangerous.

  3. 😦 Sorry to hear things are like this for you. I’ve never been to see a psychiatrist for my anxiety and I’ve been dealing with mine for almost 15 years. I have thought about, but I barely make it through regular doctors appointments without having an anxiety attack. I’m supposed to be taking Celexa for mine, but there are so many side effects. I really need to get a new doctor as my anxiety has gotten out of control again! Love your blogs!

  4. What an idiot! It’s absolutely ridiculous what he says. He obviously get paid by how much medication he prescribes, so he want you to take more and longer… I hope you can switch to someone a bit more sensible. I think it’s a good idea to try it on a lower dosage first. Maybe that will help enough for you and it is safer than higher dosages (side-effects). He should look at your personal situation and stop being a salesman. Please don’t let yourself be intimidated by this idiot and keep listening to yourself (not him).

      • Yikes.. It shows you can’t “blindly” follow people with such professions. I’m glad it clicks well, but I think it is some sort of signal to keep watching out a little bit and discuss things with other people too. And to keep trusting and listening to yourself.

        Are you going to confront the psychiatrist and/or your therapist? Or ask for another psychiatrist? I hope you’re feeling well enough to be able to do something like that.

      • I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve already kind of discussed it with my therapist and it didn’t go very well. I don’t know if I want to find a new psychiatrist or just do what I think is best, you know? I don’t know. I think I’m going to find out first if maybe the slurring and hand shaking is due to something other than the medication. If it isn’t, then I may have to rethink things. Thanks so much for your continued support!

      • Take your time, I can imagine it’s difficult to figure out what’s best for you in the current situation. I hope you can also find time to relax a bit and don’t think about this and I hope you won’t let them push you into anything you don’t want or are unsure about.

  5. Luna says:

    I hope you’ll try to get a new psychiatrist because this is not okay! good on you for writing this though, it’s a very important message x

  6. The slurring of speech concerns me, & I’m not a doctor!! It blows my mind that your psychiatrist isn’t addressing your concerns. Your valid concerns. *offers Internet hugs*

    I know how it feels to have doctors dismiss your issues. Doctors whom we entrust with our health & well-being. I had 2 different psychiatrists at the same county mental health facility tell me that my fibromyalgia isn’t real.

    One claimed it was “phantom pain.” I told him, in no uncertain terms, that I disagreed (as polite as I could be); when I walked out he said “Just watch – now that I’ve told you about ‘phantom pain,’ you’re going to be pain-free.” The other, when I told him I have fibromyalgia, said it was a complete hoax. He said all fibromyalgia diagnoses are fake.

    Thankfully, both returned to private practice soon after they said this bulls*** to me. It soured my opinion of that facility, though. Now I’m getting my anti-depressants from my general practitioner.

    &, yes, I asked if he believes fibromyalgia is real at my appointment to discuss whether or not he’d be willing to take over my prescription needs. He said any doctor who doesn’t is a fool… & doctors are too often fools.

    • Yeah, when I talk a lot or eat certain things, I start slurring. Plus if I use a fork for a while or draw, my hand gets shaky. That can’t be normal.

      Who the heck says that Fibromyalgia isn’t real?! You see commercials all the time for that and how to treat it. What are all the commercials lying. Real great doctors you had there! I’m sorry you had to go through that! That must have been frustrating!

      • That sounds really scary!! Your doctor should really take your concerns into consideration. It doesn’t sound normal at all.

        Standing up to your doctor is so hard. He’s supposed to know what’s best & not push you to take more meds or ignore side effects. I’m so sorry he’s not listening to you. 😥

        To be honest, fibromyalgia didn’t have a “diagnosis code” until October of 2015. I think it’s a billing thing, but these doctors took it to mean that it wasn’t “real.” Yeah, I see those commercials all the time & I think it was additionally frustrating because of it!

        It was so frustrating & now I feel like I can’t trust psychiatrists. That makes me worry about trying to get help from another doctor in the future. 😥

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