Okay, so as you all know, I suffer from severe anxiety. After a while of going to different therapists, I finally found one that I’m happy with. I’m not saying we never have slight differences of opinions, but he’s helped me more than any other therapists ever have. My psychiatrist, however, is a different story.
I was seeing another psychiatrist for a while and that didn’t turn out well. She was really nice until one day she changed her mind about something she said and because of this, she told me she couldn’t see me anymore. After that horrible experience, I decided to find a new psychiatrist.
I quickly found that my new psychiatrist (while devoted to seeing me and not giving me false information), wasn’t the most understanding individual. On several occasions I’ve explained that I don’t like the idea of taking medication. However, I did eventually decide to take some and then, because I was still struggling a lot, I increased my dosage. While never technically forcing me to take more, he always says things to make me feel guilty that I’m not taking even more medication.
My psychiatrist is constantly saying that I’m not on tons of medication. Fine, whatever. Whether or not he considers my dosage ‘high’, to me it’s a lot to take (I’m also on medication for epilepsy, and I just don’t like medication!). Anyways, every time I go for an appointment, he says that if I wanted to get better, I would take more medicine. This is not true!
I had another appointment today. I was asked if I was experiencing any side effects. I said that I felt I might be. Immediately, I was shot down. I was told that what I was experiencing was not from the medication. Maybe my psychiatrist was right, maybe it has nothing to do with taking the medicine. Still though, would it kill him to actually look into it instead of just saying off the top of his head, that it’s not even remotely possible?
Though I said how I felt (I mentioned how I sometimes randomly start slurring and how my hand gets weak after writing a lot or drawing), I didn’t completely say how I felt.
I should have said that he never listens to me. I should have said that he makes me feel ridiculous and like I’m making up how I feel. I should have said that he should look into the possible side effects instead of just shrugging it off. I should have said that I hate how he makes me feel guilty about not wanting to take more and more medication. I should have said these things, but I didn’t. I was anxious and I just took it all in, feeling once again defeated by the fact that he doesn’t listen to me.
Please, please tell your doctors how you feel. I know it’s not easy, but it’s important. If you don’t feel they’re listening, speak up! You deserve the right to be heard! Be nice about it, but say how you feel!