Today was horrible, seriously. I went to the doctor’s with a relative and things did NOT go well. My anxiety was incredibly high and my relative was not understanding.
I know I’ve said this a million times before, but I hate going through this. I hate how everything has to be so difficult. I try so hard but I know it must seem to others like I’m not trying at all. I constantly see myself failing to do as well as I would have liked and to be totally honest, it hurts.
I love my relative, I do. I also know how challenging it can be dealing with someone who has anxiety. Hell, it’s hard for me to go through it! I’m often tired of myself! Still though, I don’t find it that ridiculous to hope that someone so close to me would be helpful, patient, and supportive. Is that really too much to ask? Apparently it is.
The doctor and nurse were nice and caring. They told me that there was no pressure and that I needn’t apologize (I apologized like five times per person). I felt horrible and I didn’t want to put my relative and the staff through what I did, but my anxiety was awful!
Afterwards, I was waiting in the car while my relative went into a store. I was listening to music trying to calm myself and vent my frustrations when out of nowhere, I saw a butterfly. This butterfly was beautiful and for a moment, I smiled. There it was, this gorgeous orange butterfly just flying around. The weather was grey and ugly, but it was pretty! I guess what they say is true: even in the darkest of times, you can still find beauty.
I’m not saying that today went well – it didn’t. What I am saying is that there were times that I did okay. Plus, I did get through it. I went to the doctor’s and when you think about it, that counts for something, doesn’t it?
I want to remind everybody that even in difficult times, you’re not a failure. I want to thank Carla for reminding me of this. I know it can be hard when you’re going through something and all you feel like doing is crying to remember how great you are, but it’s true. You’re an amazing person and you can get over your obstacles!
Please don’t give up. Please don’t think you’re a failure just because you struggle. Please don’t let others make you feel like you’re not good enough or like you’re unsuccessful. Think about all of the progress you’ve made and all of the times you’ve been successful!
Thank you to everyone who supports me and all the kind doctors and nurses out there!