I hope this post doesn’t sound like a cry for pity! The truth is that sometimes I just feel really down about my anxiety and I feel the need to express myself. This is one of those times.
I just went to a restaurant with my family and I struggled. I got through lunch and did eat a little, but I felt a lot more anxious than I would have hoped. I also became really anxious when we left. On the way home, I couldn’t help thinking about how badly I wish I could just do normal, everyday things with ease. I see so many people doing things that cause me tons of anxiety without even thinking twice about it.
Sometimes I wonder why things have to be so hard for me. I know that my issues have to do with my way of thinking, but it doesn’t stop the struggle from being real; from seeming scary. I hate the fact that things that should be simple and usually are for others, can be so difficult for me. I used to be able to do things with ease and now, things have become difficult at times.
It hurts. It hurts to see myself go through this, to want to get through this so badly and still struggle on such a regular basis. I try, I really do, but for some reason I just keep struggling.
Then there’s the medication situation I talked about yesterday. Would more medicine help? Maybe. Do I want to keep throwing medication at myself and hope that I get better and not worse? Not really. I don’t want to keep pouring medicine down my throat, I want to get through this by practicing and exercising instead of taking as much medicine as I possibly can!
Am I complaining a lot? Maybe. Still, I don’t like going through this and struggling with anxiety so much. I know that some things make people anxious, but not to degree that it effects me. Also, some of the things that cause me a lot of anxiety are so simple, or at least should be.
I’m not saying that I’m not improving or that I’m not grateful for the progress I’ve made. Rather, I’m saying that I don’t want to keep struggling like this and that it’s difficult to deal with.
I know I’m not alone in this battle. I know that everyday tons of people struggle with anxiety. I know that I’m not the only one who goes through this, who wishes things would be simpler. I’m not going to say that it’s worse for me than for anyone else, because I can’t possibly know that and I’m sure there are others who struggle to the same degree or more so than myself. Even for those who don’t struggle as much as I do, I know it’s hard.
I just want to say, that I understand and that you’re not alone. I want to say that I’m sorry to those of you who struggle with anxiety, who might struggle with things that are normally quite simple. I want to say that although it might not always seem like it, you can get through your anxiety with hard, consistent work. I also want to say that I’m here for you and that a lot of other people are as well. You are loved and cared for. Stay strong and remember that you
can get through this!
*As always I would like to thank all those who support me in my journey to get through anxiety!